PANIC AT THE DNC: Dems in meltdown mode over Kennedy retirement

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Breaking news of Justice Kennedy’s retirement Wednesday interrupted a conference call with DNC leaders, prompting audible sounds of shock and anguish.

“Justice Anthony Kennedy has just announced that he’s retiring,” one person announced to the group.

“Ohhhh!” one person yelled in response.

“Oh my God,” another replied.

“Not that he’s done us any good on these recent decisions, but he was the one who was usually persuadeable,” yet another lamented.

The 81-year-old Kennedy announced via statement Wednesday that he was stepping down after more than 30 years on the bench. A Republican appointee, Kennedy held the key vote on such high-profile issues as abortion, affirmative action, gay rights, guns, campaign finance and voting rights.

President Donald Trump, who was earlier made aware of Kennedy’s plans to retire, already has a list of 25 candidates lined up to fill the jurist’s spot.

According to reports, the list includes 24 judges and Utah Sen. Mike Lee. The president has said he is prepared to choose a nominee from that list.

The new jurist, whomever that may be, will likely tip the scales in the favor of Conservative causes, particularly in regard to matters relating to hot-button issues such as abortion.

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